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It's extremely important for media to depict people out of the gender/sexuality mainstream as normal.

So your best bet is to do exactly that: have a diversity of characters and show it all as perfectly normal.

Most people don't talk about other people's trans/cis status unless 1) they're jerks or 2) there's a specific reason for it.

Sexual orientation is a bit different because it is totally normal to talk about dating or relationships or family and, given that our language is gendered, this will come out, so to speak.

With non-binary, the issue again is pronouns. You can't tell by looking at someone if they're non-binary since many such folks choose to present as male or female (or just do naturally) and many androgynous-appearing folks identify as male or female.

Overall though, once people get over the "shock" and get used to the pronouns, names, etc, it's all just part of everyday life. If you find your characters having long philosophical discussions about gender and sexuality, something's not very realistic (or they're college students ).

Talk about their days matter of fact. A transwoman early in the transition process might be shaving both legs and chin. A transman might get his period. Trans and non-binary folks are likely to be misgendered multiple times over the course of a week (maybe even a day) and this and other micro-aggressions (even times when it's completely accidental) will wear your characters down.

There will be a few outright cases of bigotry, maybe even violence. They aren't likely to come often, but they are profound enough that occasional is enough to leave scars.

If your world doesn't have these sorts of bigotries, awesome. Focus on the matter of fact stuff. Talk about same-sex marriage with the same detached description as you would talking about opposite-race marriage. It just is.

There are some stereotypes to watch out for and your best way to do that is to get sensitivity readers once you've finished the book (or at least a few scenes with those characters). Also talk to your friends who identify in those categories and go out of your way to meet more. The more people you know who are any given example of X, the more you'll be able to suss out what's more or less common in that group of people and what's a stereotype.

A book I read recently that handles 4 different genders really well is Temper.

The game Dragon Age - Inquisition did this recently, quite successfully, with a side character, Krem. Krem is the second-in-command of a mercenary group one of your companions leads, so an NPC you interact with about a dozen times throughout the game. He tells you he's trans about halfway into the game. It's part of his backstory. You get one dialogue about it, and that's it, moving on to more important issues like what the mercenary company can do for you at this stage of the game.

I think that is a good example of how to do a minor transgender character well: the point is present, it has had a big impact on the character becoming who they are now (changing one's gender is not like changing one's t-shirt), but the character is not defined by their gender. They have a job, they have hobbies, they have friends and family. In their day-to-day, those form a much more pertinent topic of conversation than what's between their legs.

One of the main problems with many LGBT "representations" in modern media is that the LGBT status is the character's sole characteristic. This is boring, shallow, unrealistic, and to be avoided.

If the character has a bit more presence in your story, you might, if you choose, give this topic a bit more room. For example, you might show the character in the process of transitioning, rather than years after. There might be someone who knew this character as a child, struggling to accept the change, getting the pronouns confused through force of habit. You might mention bigotry, though that, I think, is a cheap shot - that's the easiest story to tell; bigot - bad, character - innocent victim, seen that story a thousand times with a hundred other minorities.

How does one incorporate trans/nonbinary characters without making their gender the main focus?

The same way you would any other character. Introduce them, and then... let the character develop.

For a trans character, this is heavily dependent on the stage that they're in - closeted, pre-transition, transitioning, post-transition - and what the environment is around them - are people transphobic? Is it just matter-of-fact in your story?

To make things simple, let's start off with the case of a post-transition trans woman, in a world where people aren't transphobic.

For all intents and purposes, just write her as you'd write a normal woman in your story. Don't make her talk differently, or act differently. Write her as you would a cis woman.

However, there are a few things you can do to make it clear that she's trans without making it her focus. For instance, make sure that she doesn't say anything about periods (assuming a transition level equivalent to modern technology). You could also mention something about hormones, just in passing, such as finally not taking hormone pills every day. There are lots of other ways, but these are a few examples.

If you want to write a transitioning trans woman, then this will... probably be made obvious by a physical description. Having her get misgendered and then correcting them would be a way to get it across. Mention upcoming surgery or something like that. Just in conversation, not as a focus.

These can be applied to trans male characters, too - such as mentioning him starting to grow a beard, top surgery, something about periods...

There are lots of ways to just stick it with subtle hints in passing, that aren't making it the focus of the character while still including positive representation.

Now, a really really easy way to include an enby character in your story is through pronouns. Just refer to this character as "they", consistently, and don't mention anything else. Make sure all of your characters use the correct pronoun.

If you're writing in a context where people are separated by gender, though, such as a locker room, that gets a bit trickier. If you're writing in a post-phobic environment, you can get around this by having different locker rooms and simply, normally, mentioning that they went to the other one.

Writing a genderfluid character is... tricky, if you don't want to make it a focus. I haven't ever tried writing a genderfluid character, but to do this you can probably use the pronoun trick. Switch up the pronouns, make sure that it's obvious that it's the same person, and describe different attire at different times - for instance, one day she'll be wearing a dress and the next he'll be wearing a basketball jersey.

If you're writing in an environment where people are transphobic, that makes things harder, especially if your nonbinary character doesn't have a third bathroom for them to use. In an environment like this, then getting insulted would be... an unfortunately realistic depiction of being trans in a phobic environment. Have someone mention that they know someone who's afraid to come out. Have a coming out party. Encountering pronoun difficulties is a good way without getting too... uncomfortable for the reader - such as someone stubbornly refusing to use singular "they". A character could mention that they were disowned by their family years ago for being trans. All of these are realistic, and painful, depictions of being non-cis in a phobic environment.

Above all, make sure that all of these characters have depth and aren't token LGBTQ+ characters. Just as you shouldn't stick a token dark-skinned character into your story, make sure that you're not doing that with your non-cis characters.

Getting a sensitivity tester would be a great idea - there are plenty of folks in the LGBTQ+ community who'd be happy to read through it and give you feedback.

Make sure that you're treating your characters with respect, give them depth, and you should be fine.

I write LGB main characters, at least. (Nothing against TQ, just haven't had a story that needs that).

My approach is to "show" not "tell". The female MC flirts with females. Or she picks up a girl at a gay bar at some early point in the story, and then a guy at a regular bar at a later point. Or she and another girl are together (say eating lunch and talking) and before her friend leaves, they kiss goodbye on the lips.

I generally write about post-phobic environments in which this is ignored by the public around them; and I treat romance, sex, and the frustrations and joys of it as pretty much the same for two people in lust, in love, flirting without having had a date, or beginning dating.

That said, LGB and hetero can have their advances rebuffed by those that don't share their orientation, but that is no different than getting rebuffed in hetero dating for lack of mutual attraction. In fact it IS a lack of mutual attraction, right?

My advice is navigate it as if it is is natural and nobody cares. If bisexuality is important to the plot, then like anything else about your character's personality that is important to the plot, find a way to reveal it early (in the first 10% of the story).

It doesn't all have to be sex scenes. I can have a female MC actually have sex with a guy early in the story, and during intimate talk afterward, lying in bed, tell the same guy about her first real lover, a girl that broke her heart. Without him being surprised by that; but sympathetic at the painful parts or humored by the funny parts.

Or it could be entirely a conversation with a friend.

Angela said, "I have my second date with Bobby tonight."

Mary grinned. "Have you slept together yet?"

"On the first date? Hell no."

"We slept together on our first date."

"That wasn't really a date, that was like a hug goodnight where I somehow ended up naked."

"I shared half my root beer with you, that counts as a date."

You ask about "realistically incorporating trans/nonbinary characters" (my emphasis). So what is realistic in this context?

One aspect of realism is to depict the reality of trans/nonbinary persons. They are, as Cyn has pointed out in their answer, normal persons. But at the same time being trans/nonbinary is not normal in current society. Trans/nonbinary persons have to struggle with many difficulties that those self-defining as men or women don't face. So if you present the lives of trans/nonbinary characters and their lives as normal in your book, you have left the realistic behind and entered the fantastic and utopian.

You may want to write about a world in which being trans/nonbinary is normal, but that is (currently) not realistic. Realistic would be to show the struggles that trans/nonbinary persons face in our world, or the impact these struggles have on all aspects of their lives.

The primary question is whether or not the trait is a defining trait in your story, or just a detail of the character.

If the trait is central to the character, for example because it makes him behave in a way different from what he'd otherwise do, then point it out early, develop it and keep it in the mind of the reader so that the reader is not suddenly surprised by it, because then it would feel forced. Treat it the same way you'd treat someone being an introvert, or aggressive, or paranoid or in love, or any other character trait.

If the trait is exchangeable, i.e. the story wouldn't change if you dropped it or changed it for something else, then treat it like any background information about the character - point it out when it would naturally come up. Like physical attributes. The hair colour of a character would be mentioned when someone checks them out or when the reader meets them for the first time. Bisexuality could come up during small talk in a bar ("hey nice chick, right?", "Her boyfriend is cute, too.", "Right, I remember, you love both sexes."). And then don't force it. Since it's not important to the story, it should be in the background, not in the foreground.

The media portrayl of non-typical sexual orientations gets flack from both sides. Those who are LBGT or such feel underrepresented, while strictly hetero-normative people feel that every damn show, movie and book now gets packed with the freaks. Both are right, from their individual perspective. If you are LGBT, chances are that in your circles the percentage of others of that type as well as people with an open attitude towards the sexual is above the population average. If you are strictly (maybe even religiously) conservative, chances are that you have very few LGBT people in your surroundings. In both cases, the fraction shown in the media doesn't match your personal experience.

Just keep that in mind. This is why the inclusion of LGBT people can seem forced.